Anastasia (Stasia) Janelle 1997 - 2010

I remember it very clearly, possibly because it was exactly the wrong thing to do, but as I walked home on that fall day in 1997 one flier and one poorly thought out decision turned into almost 13 years of love. I had just worked my last shift at the local supermarket and had no job prospects in front of me. On my way home I passed a flier for free puppies. It’s not like the small mountain town I grew up in was lacking for these sorts of fliers but something about the little black fuzzball in the photo called out to me and I was sure we should be together. Some convincing Heather and a trip to the vet later and that afternoon was the first day I met Stasia.

Stasia was my first dog. Our family had always had dogs but Stasia was the first dog that I had ever had on my own. Stasia has seen me through many phases of my life. She has been my riding partner, my hiking partner and my camping buddy. She was by my side through many storms, needing comfort during the physical ones and providing comfort for the emotional ones. She moved with me to Denver to Rochester and back again. Stasia was there to greet us after Heather and I got married, she was there to greet us when we brought K home from the hospital and again when we brought R home from the hospital. As the kids have grown she has been as much at part of their lives as she has mine and all while being so patient and protective.

This week Heather, the kids, and I are in Florida on vacation. We got a call from Heather’s mom, who is watching her for us, to tell us that she passed away in her sleep last night. For the first time in a long time one of my oldest and dearest friends won’t be there to greet me when I get home.

I love and miss you Stasia.

Happy Delurking!

T-Shirt from first day. Full Disclosure

It’s been pretty quiet around here lately and for good reason but I think I am ready to write about what is going on. Anger, frustration, fear, worry, and depression dominated my days and nights until recently when I finally made a decision that I have been contemplating for at least a couple of years. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s start at the beginning.

Back of T-Shirt given to me

In February I started work for a very interesting company that, in the end, was a huge learning experience which I will eventually come to view as positive. In October my team was notified that we were being laid off, an action, I came to find out, that had been in the works for part if not all of my time there. I was offered an opportunity with the outsourcing company that was taking over but in the following week it became clear to the both of us that we would not work well together and I was laid off for the second time in a month. I knew this was my path and outwardly I tried to make the best of it but inside I was waging a battle against the darkness.

While my family circled the wagons and my friends piled on the encouragement I threw myself into job search. I sent out resumes and cover letters like I’ve never had to before to the limited number of jobs that were available. The truth of the matter became clear to me over the next couple of weeks as I saw very few positions available and even a few of the ones that I applied for rewritten for a lesser qualified person with a significantly reduced salary. At some point there were no more jobs to apply for and I needed a distraction.

A well timed conversation and fortune cookie provided just that. If you have ever played the fortune cookie game or “in bed” or “under the sheets” you will understand. If not, watch the first minute of this video.

And now that your all caught up and confused in multiple languages you can see my inspiration for starting inbed.me which has provided an interesting diversion between searching for jobs.

As November turned into December and we crept toward Christmas I realized that finding a job this close to the end of the year was a long shot. I decided to take the time and evaluate what I wanted to do and who I wanted to work with so that I had a clear idea of what to do about it. What came out of that was 2 part: 1) I enjoy working with and the work that comes out of tech startups and 2) Tech Startups do not need someone like me full time. The solution to part 2 is to spread my time around multiple startups, giving them what they need while giving me gainful employment. It’s an idea that I’ve had for a while now but never had the confidence to try but now that any excuses have been cleared away and I am surrounded by people who are willing to help me I think that it is time.

Out of all of this J Squared Consulting is being born to provide server consulting, monitoring, and response. I’m doing one of the things I love to do and by doing it this way, doing it with the people I want to do it with.

I would like to end this by thanking all the people who have helped me out over the last 3 months as I went through some difficult times including my family and friends who have all pitched in one way or another and made what could have been a disaster into something much better. I owe each one of you and look forward to the day I can repay your kindness.

Everyday we struggle to make the pieces of our life fit together but sometimes if we just relax and look around they will fall into place on their own. Now if I can only remember this.

I sit alone
On the tram
Where dozens also sit
Confident in their destination.

I eat alone
At the restaurant
Where thirty diners
Know what the waiter will bring.

I work alone
At the office
Where fifty of my coworkers
See me as a bringer of change.

I sleep alone
In the hotel
Where a hundred weary travelers
Lie with their lover’s embrace.

I walk alone
On the streets
Where thousands converse
In a language I do not understand.

I am alone
In a city of one million
Halfway around the world
From where my heart has stayed.

As it seems to happen every spring I get so excited to see the flowers that they become 90% of what I take pictures of until someone calls me on it. This year I’m calling myself on it and changing what I’m shooting so the next couple potw’s should be something other than flowers.